Diversity Article

In Peace Corps Lesotho, we have a monthly newsletter, called the Khotso (Peace), for volunteers and staff to share with each other various things about volunteering, news, information, etc. We also have several committees to support different aspects of being a volunteer. One of those committees is the Diversity Committee, which was designed to support volunteers of different backgrounds and their unique experiences here. Each month, the diversity committee submits an article for the Khotso to share with other volunteers a bit about diversity. This month (June), was my turn to submit an article:

“The One Experience that has Helped Me the Most as a PCV: Being a Woman”

Since before I can even remember, I was exposed to people of different religions, ethnicities, cultures, sexual orientations and so forth; I never really understood what the big deal with diversity was. But when I chose my career as a civil engineer, being different meant feeling confused and alone. As a Peace Corps volunteer, I can imagine how those feelings may happen to any one of us regardless of our diverse (or seemingly un-diverse) backgrounds, but what I learned throughout my career has helped me throughout the challenges we face in Lesotho.

When growing up, differences such as gender and race and sexual preference were important, but just a matter of fact. I was aware of prejudices and even witnessed some instances of discrimination, but nothing substantial was directed towards me and so I continued to be happily naive. When applying to colleges, I understood that being “diverse” could work for or against me and I had the guidance to know that I needed to be smart about how I presented myself. I wasn’t the best student, but being a female applying to the school of engineering would help me a lot – I was accepted to the University of California, Irvine with a high school GPA in the lowest 3% of incoming freshmen. And I opened a Pandora’s box of insecurities that I never could have anticipated.

I don’t regret any of these choices that I made and I don’t mean to say that college was a negative experience, but my classes and academic experience put me through an internal struggle that still lingers with me to this day. There were several women in my class of a little over 100 students, but I definitely stood out. I have a bubbly personality, I love to wear skirts and dress in a feminine way and I like to joke around and be carefree. But the idea of a civil engineer like me was not an idea that my peers could overlook; I’ve tried to rationalize my experience of being singled out, but I have to continually remind myself that there’s really no excuse. It’s not funny when someone talks about me in a sexual term found on Urban Dictionary. It’s not funny when someone whispers your name in class and when you turn to look, his laptop is showing graphic pornography. And it’s not funny when someone makes a joke that puts me down. But being the girl who wanted to network and make friends, I would usually laugh in agreement. If I ever spoke up against the crowd, that would give them a reason to say that I’m being moody, too sensitive or a bitch. It actually took me years to realize that by trying to fit in, I had transformed into another person – confused and unhappy. I did have a couple of real friends in my classes, but most of my civil engineering friends were in different years than me. My sorority became my college home and haven where I could hide from the atmosphere that put me so on edge. And between my sorority and my family and friends from home, I continued to be involved and be a leader in the civil engineering community despite feeling out of place and resentful.

Graduating in four years and getting a full time job right out of college in a poor economy was definitely an achievement, but being the youngest, smallest and one of the few women gave me the urgency to prove myself. The company that I worked for would be considered female-friendly, with 25% women, especially compared to the clients, consultants and contractors, etc with whom I worked with on projects – 10% women would be an exaggerated overestimate. After working for almost 4 years, my supervisor was able to trust me with several large responsibilities, which I both appreciated and was proud of. I still never felt like I truly fit in, but because of my accomplishments, I felt respected. I realized I should be recognized for my achievements rather than my appearance and I finally allowed myself to be proud of who I am rather than uncomfortable.

Becoming an education volunteer in Lesotho, the gender dynamics of my workplace are not a lot different from my career in a male dominated field. At my school, it is evenly split between female and male teachers, but gender stereotypes seem even more pronounced. Even in the workplace, women are considered shallow and lazy, while the men are the ones who put in the extra hours and who take the initiative to get work done. The women teachers often give notes and exercises in the book for the students to do in class while they sit in the staff room to talk or sleep or look at their smart phones. They also try to leave at lunch time when the taxi comes so they can get out of school a couple hours early and avoid walking a couple kilometers to the main road. The male teachers go to all of their classes, they coach all of the sports that occur after school, and they are assigned the most classes to teach. And of course, this isn’t always the case, but all of the teachers at my school have acknowledged these norms, so I am still working to break the idea of “normal”. Once when discussing gender with one of my male teachers, he told me that he forgets that I’m a female – I am going to take that comment as a positive step towards expanding his idea of what women are capable of.
Overall, my college experience has earned me the resiliency that has helped me adjust to life here in Lesotho. I am the only Asian American person in my community at school and in village – especially at first, but even now, I will draw stares. Most places in Lesotho, someone tries to touch my hair. Some people mock a Chinese or American accent at me. And many people yell Machina (Chinese person in Sesotho) or Lahooa (white person) at me. On a bad day, I’ll get annoyed, but being one of the only women in my college classes, I’ve already had experience in dealing with negative attention. I am able to ignore rude comments and not let them affect my mood. I’ve even engaged some of those people in thoughtful conversations regarding what “American” means.  I know that the staring and hollering comes from insecurity or ignorance of the person committing the action; and I have the power to not only stop those feelings from being reflected onto me, but to also initiate a productive result.

Staying calm, collected and confident in myself has not only helped me to cope, but I believe that staying positive has also encouraged other people to accept just a little bit more diversity than what they’re used to. Similar to my career, I know that I will never will be a Masotho, but I am happy to be able to acknowledge that my community has accepted me for who I am. Basotho in my community have learned that Americans can look very different and can come from Asian dissent; they now know me as Ausi (sister) Palesa; and they appreciate my efforts in being here. And while I still have moments of insecurity, I know my integrity, how I treat people, and my own choices are the things that liberate me of the ever changing stereotypes that will always be there.

Pumpkin Pie!

Sunset on my walk home